Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with air travel. I thought I would release my negativity before I even board the plane. My first complaint is the parking garage and the cost. Too much money for leaving a vehicle. Next in line is check - in. If I arrive two hours early there will inevitably be no lines. I will check in and wait in the smelly boring lobby. If I am running behind schedule my wait time will be excessive. People will try to budge in front of me, hit me with their rolling weapons and be hanging on to whining crying kids. One will most likely reach out with his chocolate scrubby hands and touch my nice clean pressed shirt. One that needs to be dry cleaned.

I will fumble for my ticket, my license and have no name tags on my luggage. They will not have any extra one's so I will have to stand and wait till they retrieve more. Then, the carpet baggers will charge me for my luggage and measure my carry on. I'll watch as the clerk tosses my new suitcase on the escalator.

Security will infuriate me as usual. Off with the shoes and all the coins in my pockets. The pat down, the embarrassment. This time I will not try to smuggle in my own bottle of water. I will wait till I am past the security check point and pay triple for a bottle of water. No coffee or snacks for me. Money just slips right out of my wallet. I have heard there will be no free drinks or peanuts on the flight. Cheap, cheap, and more cheap.

Plane delays will inspire my wrath and then someone will try to board out of turn or want to change seats. People in a hurry, pushing, shoving being total ignorante's. My seat will be on the outside and some sorry soul will be in it - lost and confused. I will not argue with them just show them my seat assignment. Make no fuss or I will be thrown off the plane for causing a scene. I kept my t-shirt with the inappropriate saying tucked inside my suitcase. Since I've never won any beauty contest they cannot toss me out due to that.

The luggage bins will be filled and my carry on will not fit and it will be too large to cram under my seat. I will have to walk to the rear and find an empty bin to store my belongings. Then, try to return to my seat - another joke. That mother with the chocolate covered kid will be my seatmate. He will whine and bounce through the entire trip. Perhaps, they will toss him and the mother off. I heard they like to do that lately.

The plane will be delayed at take-off and then a runway delay. The seat belt sign will be on for most of the trip due to bad weather and turbulence. The restrooms will be overly used and stinky. I just can't wait till they lose my luggage. I love air travel.

Sincerely,

Mr. Pid