Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with one-legged sea gulls or all sea gulls. I’m sitting at this wonderful outdoor bar at Boca Chica nestled in the mangrove swamps. I’m chowing down a grouper sandwich, fries, onion rings and a pitcher of cold beer. I see this poor pathetic one-legged gull resting precariously on a piling. I watched him for quite awhile wobbling this way and that way. Sometimes the fools pull up one of their legs. Don’t know why? I guess they are resting one?

I’ve always been annoyed by these flying garbage rats. Screeching all the time and stalking you wherever you go with food. But this little guy touched my heart. He was injured. I was surprised he didn’t succumb to ‘survival of the fittest’. So, like an old softy I tossed him a french fry. He scarfed it down in no time. Next, I toss him a big onion ring. He almost fell off his perch for that one. A few more fries, pieces of bread and just a corner of my fried grouper.

I kinda felt like I was saving the world. This poor guy was certainly at a disadvantage. He was looking real hard at my grouper sandwich but that’s where I drew the line. He let out a high pitched squeal and flew off his post. I’m thinking he had enough fries and was going to take a dip in the brackish water.

It happened quick as a tail feather swishing by. Plop, plop, drizzle. A huge white messy glob of you know what hit my left shoulder and slid ever so slowly down my gray Tommy Bahama T-shirt. Stink! I guess that has cured me from feeling sorry for those nasty no-good flying rats. I couldn’t finish the rest of my fried grouper sandwich.

Daily Gripe 2008

Hello, my name is Stu. This is my first gripe for the year 2008. Happy New Year and happy griping. My gripe once again concerns our roadways. I have just returned from a 10 hour road trip from Key West. The roads in Key West are a major gripe but I will address that situation at another time. Right now - I am tired, cold and hungry. One can eat only so much from the $1.00 menus at fast food establishments. It's usually to go because i'm in a hurry and the dog is in the car. Can't leave the little beast in the car or PETA will be after me. And then yell at me for eating meat!!!

So off the exit I go toward fast food heaven/hell (you choose). I am thinking ? it's easy off easy on. No. No way, no such luck. So I head on down looking for that girlie fast food burger, you know the one. I'm in the right hand land of a four lane highway. There's the red haired girl herself smiling at me from the left side of the four lane highway. Did I mention bumper to bumper traffic. Can I get over? No!!

So I turn in a shopping plaza and spend 20 minutes trying to get back out to the road. Whew. I get in the right hand lane because I need to go straight across where the little red head is smiling at me. It's a turn only lane. So I turn and go for what seems miles before I can make an illegal u-turn. If only I had one of those 4x4 off road vehicles. Fast track back to the pigtailed girl.

I make my usual choice from the $1.00 menu and off I go. Trying to drive, eat, spoon out my frosty and toss pieces of burger to the pooch in the back. I need to get back on the interstate. Big orange sign - DETOUR - on ramp closed. I have all the good luck. I'm in a strange place wanting to go home and crash but I can't find the correct on - ramp. I realize i'm heading south - I need to be heading north. Here I am wishing for that 4x4 off road mega truck again. So another illegal u-turn on the interstate. Look both ways for YOU KNOW WHO.

The mustard drips down my chin and lands on my shirt. The dog is howling for beef and in my haste I knock over my frosty. I see another exit and more fast food emporiums. I go for it.

Truly yours,

Mr. Pid