Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with my neighbor. The one 6 house around the bend from mine. That is quite a distance but still you annoy me. You sit in your garage (please sound-proof it) and bang on your drums during the week and on weekends. It's true you don't bang after quiet time but give us a break. You're not even good at banging those drums. If you're a musician or wannabe musician - rent a studio - far from my ears.
I'm 6 houses away what can your next door neighbors think? Do they even speak to you? Do you wear earplugs whilst banging away on those silly drums? How does your spouse feel about this unsettling - shattering commotion that you possibly call music? She probably has lots of shoes from all that shoe shopping she must do to stay out of the house. Have pity on the rest of us. Give it a break. You're not going anywhere.
You expertise could be used in torturing captives - much better than the 'waterboarding' that we presently use on them. I have this urge to type a nice (somewhat nice) letter and sneak up to your door (in the dark of the night) and tape it to your front door. Your banging SUCKS. You got NO rhythm sweetie. I suggest a new hobby- playing checkers.
Soundlessly,
Mr. Pid
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Daily Gripe
Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is still about cell phone abusers. There should be a law! Yesterday I went to see a movie - matinee actually. When I get out of my vehicle I turn OFF my cell phone before entering the theatre. Sometimes I even leave the phone in the truck. That is not a particularly good idea since someone could break into my truck - steal my cell phone and go way over my allotted minutes. Then, I would really have a major gripe.
So, I sit through the 45 minutes of advertisements and previews. There is a very cute informative advertisement about cell phone usage and text messaging. It's a panda bear telling you to SILENCE your cell phone because silence is golden (in a movie theatre). This ad runs four or five times during the anticipated wait for the feature presentation. It even discusses text messaging and the bear points to the audience and says, "I'm watching you." A very cute public announcement. So if you walked in late it is shown right before the movie begins. You should already know to turn the #@#&*** thing off but some of you are clueless.
Ten minutes into the movie and I hear the RING - not a soft quiet one but some loud RAP tone. And then you start a conversation with the caller. Hello!!! I can't hear the movie. If I had a soft object it would be directed toward your row.
If this call were so very important to you why didn't you go to a later movie? Can you not live without the cell phone chit-chat for 2 hours? What could be so important? You could at least pick your lazy butt up off of that seat and take the call in the hallway. No. You make the rest of us (who have paid good money to see this movie) sit there and be annoyed.
I have several options for people like you who choose to abuse the 'silence the cell phone rule'.
1. Get up and seek the manager so he will throw you out.
2. Move behind you pass gas and belch.
3. Bring in a squirt gun and help you wet your whistle.
4. Find a semi-soft projectile to toss at you.
5. Start a movement to be frisked upon entry to all movie theatres just like the airports.
6. Stand up in front of you so you can't see the movie.
7. Ignore you because you are an alien. (not the choice word I would like to use)
Goodbye,
Mr. Pid
So, I sit through the 45 minutes of advertisements and previews. There is a very cute informative advertisement about cell phone usage and text messaging. It's a panda bear telling you to SILENCE your cell phone because silence is golden (in a movie theatre). This ad runs four or five times during the anticipated wait for the feature presentation. It even discusses text messaging and the bear points to the audience and says, "I'm watching you." A very cute public announcement. So if you walked in late it is shown right before the movie begins. You should already know to turn the #@#&*** thing off but some of you are clueless.
Ten minutes into the movie and I hear the RING - not a soft quiet one but some loud RAP tone. And then you start a conversation with the caller. Hello!!! I can't hear the movie. If I had a soft object it would be directed toward your row.
If this call were so very important to you why didn't you go to a later movie? Can you not live without the cell phone chit-chat for 2 hours? What could be so important? You could at least pick your lazy butt up off of that seat and take the call in the hallway. No. You make the rest of us (who have paid good money to see this movie) sit there and be annoyed.
I have several options for people like you who choose to abuse the 'silence the cell phone rule'.
1. Get up and seek the manager so he will throw you out.
2. Move behind you pass gas and belch.
3. Bring in a squirt gun and help you wet your whistle.
4. Find a semi-soft projectile to toss at you.
5. Start a movement to be frisked upon entry to all movie theatres just like the airports.
6. Stand up in front of you so you can't see the movie.
7. Ignore you because you are an alien. (not the choice word I would like to use)
Goodbye,
Mr. Pid
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Daily Gripe
Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with cell phone abuse. Yes, that's you. Remember on Christmas Day at the wonderful ocean side restaurant where my family and I had reservations. Unfortunately they set your party right next to our party. We had a fantastic view of the ocean and the boardwalk. The waitstaff were attentive and the food was delicious. It was a little chilly and windy that day but it was December.
My family and I are having a quiet conversation over our feast and then a phone rings! And that is almost acceptable except for the fact that YOU are a loud mouth and everyone in the entire place had to listen to your argument with whoever about whatever. Couldn't you have taken the discussion - outside? It would have given us the peace and tranquility we were hoping for. NO!
You go right on ranting and raving for the world to hear. I heard way too much information about you - a stranger than I ever care to hear about again. It was a holiday so I did my best to ignore you and continue with our QUIET family conversation. I did not want to confront you there so here it is.
You are RUDE, STUPID and dumber than a box of rocks. I should strike that last statement because rocks are essential to the world. I like rocks much better than people who carry on a loud conversation in a public place. So - pay your bills, stop cheating on your wife, stealing from your employer and fighting with your landlord.
I ignored you as best as I could and did enjoy my time with family. Now that I have that off my chest I feel much better. My plan is to print out cell phone etiquette on little business cards and when people like YOU get STUPID - I will politely hand you a card.
Truly yours,
Mr. Pid
My family and I are having a quiet conversation over our feast and then a phone rings! And that is almost acceptable except for the fact that YOU are a loud mouth and everyone in the entire place had to listen to your argument with whoever about whatever. Couldn't you have taken the discussion - outside? It would have given us the peace and tranquility we were hoping for. NO!
You go right on ranting and raving for the world to hear. I heard way too much information about you - a stranger than I ever care to hear about again. It was a holiday so I did my best to ignore you and continue with our QUIET family conversation. I did not want to confront you there so here it is.
You are RUDE, STUPID and dumber than a box of rocks. I should strike that last statement because rocks are essential to the world. I like rocks much better than people who carry on a loud conversation in a public place. So - pay your bills, stop cheating on your wife, stealing from your employer and fighting with your landlord.
I ignored you as best as I could and did enjoy my time with family. Now that I have that off my chest I feel much better. My plan is to print out cell phone etiquette on little business cards and when people like YOU get STUPID - I will politely hand you a card.
Truly yours,
Mr. Pid
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Daily Gripe
Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with clearance items improperly marked. Actually it's not directly related to the items but to the store employees. Or perhaps we can blame it on the computer and not humans trying to rip customers off.
I have had so many negative experience with purchasing clearance or even sale items at any store. I just know from past experience that they will ring up at the original price at the register. Surprise-Surprise!!
In the past at one particular store where the tactics are blatant - I fixed their wagon. On the corner between housewares and sporting goods I found a small item that I could not possibly live without. It was on clearance. Right next to the item stood a FULL size cardboard person scantily clad? Who knows why? In her paper hand she held a clearance sticker with the price CLEARLY marked. I picked up my much needed purchase and walked to the register. The smiling associate with the lovely blue smock scanned my item and told me the price.
I smiled back at her and said, "NO, it's on clearance. That is NOT the correct price."
"Well, I am truly sorry but that's what it scanned."
"I will be right back," I smiled politely at her.
I returned to the corner of sporting goods and housewares and grabbed the fair cardboard maiden and returned to the front register. I plopped the entire display on the counter and pointed to the price sticker firmly attached to the scantily clad cardboard dummy.
"Well, these items were misplaced," the associate said with an edge of tart in her voice.
I quietly pointed to the SKU number on my item and lightly touched my fist to the cardboard trollop. It bent slightly but the associate caught my drift. She called her manager, corrected the price and I was on my way.
Yesterday, I heard the sounds of clearance at another local store and off I went. I found the clearance rack and did my calculations. $5.00 at 50% off - that sounds like $2.50 to me. I picked up two items and proceeded to the register. The friendly clerk rang up my purchase - it totalled more than $10.00 (tax).
I said, "I don't think so."
"Excuse me?", he said ever so perplexed.
It was odd that the clearance rack sat right next to his register and he saw me pick up the items.
"They are on clearance," I said most politely.
"Oh, sometimes the computer doesn't pick these things up," he smiles.
That's it blame it on the computer not operator error. So I removed every item from the clearance rack and said, "I'll take them all."
Every item had to be rung up individually and it took quite awhile to conclude my transaction. The line behind me grew longer. My smile was contagious if only to me.
The order was completed with the clerk a little flustered but still smiling as he bagged my items; I felt no remorse.
"I looked him straight in the eye and said," I think I will pass on this purchase."
I walked away into satisfied oblivion. Do the stores make these MISTAKES on purpose?
I have had so many negative experience with purchasing clearance or even sale items at any store. I just know from past experience that they will ring up at the original price at the register. Surprise-Surprise!!
In the past at one particular store where the tactics are blatant - I fixed their wagon. On the corner between housewares and sporting goods I found a small item that I could not possibly live without. It was on clearance. Right next to the item stood a FULL size cardboard person scantily clad? Who knows why? In her paper hand she held a clearance sticker with the price CLEARLY marked. I picked up my much needed purchase and walked to the register. The smiling associate with the lovely blue smock scanned my item and told me the price.
I smiled back at her and said, "NO, it's on clearance. That is NOT the correct price."
"Well, I am truly sorry but that's what it scanned."
"I will be right back," I smiled politely at her.
I returned to the corner of sporting goods and housewares and grabbed the fair cardboard maiden and returned to the front register. I plopped the entire display on the counter and pointed to the price sticker firmly attached to the scantily clad cardboard dummy.
"Well, these items were misplaced," the associate said with an edge of tart in her voice.
I quietly pointed to the SKU number on my item and lightly touched my fist to the cardboard trollop. It bent slightly but the associate caught my drift. She called her manager, corrected the price and I was on my way.
Yesterday, I heard the sounds of clearance at another local store and off I went. I found the clearance rack and did my calculations. $5.00 at 50% off - that sounds like $2.50 to me. I picked up two items and proceeded to the register. The friendly clerk rang up my purchase - it totalled more than $10.00 (tax).
I said, "I don't think so."
"Excuse me?", he said ever so perplexed.
It was odd that the clearance rack sat right next to his register and he saw me pick up the items.
"They are on clearance," I said most politely.
"Oh, sometimes the computer doesn't pick these things up," he smiles.
That's it blame it on the computer not operator error. So I removed every item from the clearance rack and said, "I'll take them all."
Every item had to be rung up individually and it took quite awhile to conclude my transaction. The line behind me grew longer. My smile was contagious if only to me.
The order was completed with the clerk a little flustered but still smiling as he bagged my items; I felt no remorse.
"I looked him straight in the eye and said," I think I will pass on this purchase."
I walked away into satisfied oblivion. Do the stores make these MISTAKES on purpose?
Friday, January 4, 2008
Daily Gripe
Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with one-legged sea gulls or all sea gulls. I’m sitting at this wonderful outdoor bar at Boca Chica nestled in the mangrove swamps. I’m chowing down a grouper sandwich, fries, onion rings and a pitcher of cold beer. I see this poor pathetic one-legged gull resting precariously on a piling. I watched him for quite awhile wobbling this way and that way. Sometimes the fools pull up one of their legs. Don’t know why? I guess they are resting one?
I’ve always been annoyed by these flying garbage rats. Screeching all the time and stalking you wherever you go with food. But this little guy touched my heart. He was injured. I was surprised he didn’t succumb to ‘survival of the fittest’. So, like an old softy I tossed him a french fry. He scarfed it down in no time. Next, I toss him a big onion ring. He almost fell off his perch for that one. A few more fries, pieces of bread and just a corner of my fried grouper.
I kinda felt like I was saving the world. This poor guy was certainly at a disadvantage. He was looking real hard at my grouper sandwich but that’s where I drew the line. He let out a high pitched squeal and flew off his post. I’m thinking he had enough fries and was going to take a dip in the brackish water.
It happened quick as a tail feather swishing by. Plop, plop, drizzle. A huge white messy glob of you know what hit my left shoulder and slid ever so slowly down my gray Tommy Bahama T-shirt. Stink! I guess that has cured me from feeling sorry for those nasty no-good flying rats. I couldn’t finish the rest of my fried grouper sandwich.
I’ve always been annoyed by these flying garbage rats. Screeching all the time and stalking you wherever you go with food. But this little guy touched my heart. He was injured. I was surprised he didn’t succumb to ‘survival of the fittest’. So, like an old softy I tossed him a french fry. He scarfed it down in no time. Next, I toss him a big onion ring. He almost fell off his perch for that one. A few more fries, pieces of bread and just a corner of my fried grouper.
I kinda felt like I was saving the world. This poor guy was certainly at a disadvantage. He was looking real hard at my grouper sandwich but that’s where I drew the line. He let out a high pitched squeal and flew off his post. I’m thinking he had enough fries and was going to take a dip in the brackish water.
It happened quick as a tail feather swishing by. Plop, plop, drizzle. A huge white messy glob of you know what hit my left shoulder and slid ever so slowly down my gray Tommy Bahama T-shirt. Stink! I guess that has cured me from feeling sorry for those nasty no-good flying rats. I couldn’t finish the rest of my fried grouper sandwich.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Daily Gripe
Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe involves car manufactures. I think all car producers should get together and discuss which side the gas tank should go on. I believe they should all go on the same side. If you have multiple cars it is sometimes difficult to remember which side the tank is on. You pull up to the pump get out and see that there is no tank on that side. You hop back in the car to turn it around and some smuck has taken your spot. On the other side the line is at least four cars long. You pull around to the other side of the gas station and cars are going the wrong way. Your tank is on the opposite side and there is not enough room to squeeze by roadster boy to fill your tank. So the tank dance continues till it is your turn and you are on the correct side of the pump. Then, some bumbo pulls in almost touching your front bumper because his tank is on the opposite side of yours. Some bimbo has pulled in behind you because her tank is on the same side as yours. So, bumbo goes inside to pay his bill- why can't he swipe his debit card and be on his way. Oh, that's right the debit machine is down. This means you will also have to go inside to pay and you do and hurry right back outside. Bumbo is nowhere to be seen and bimbo is honking her horn so you will move your vehicle. Apparently bimbo can't see that you are blocked in by bumbo who has gone AWOL. Minutes pass by and it seems like hours. Bimbo has used the horn several times but you bite your tongue and look the other way. You think you could ram bumbo's gas guzzling vehicle out of the way but think - not a good idea. You motion to bimbo to back up so you can exit and she can gas up. She doesn't see you because she is chatting on her cell phone with hands in the air fast as lightening. Perhaps you could go tap on her window to get her attention? Bumbo is still not around. The store manager comes outside (he must be at least 19 years old) and asks you to please move your vehicle because YOU are holding up traffic. You explain that bumbo has you blocked in but the young whipper-snapper manager doesn't listen. He explains that you are in the right hand gas tank line - not the left hand gas tank line. You ask for posted verification on this issue but once again he ignores you as he smiles at bimbo. He states you are making a disturbance and to please leave. Count to ten, count to ten - perhaps count to 150. Bumbo strolls out of the gas station texting someone on his cell and walks slowly to his car. You see him and hurry back in your car. You get ready to hit the pedal to the metal and get out this place - you look up and someone has just pulled in where bumbo has left.
So if all the gas tanks were on the same side of all cars, trucks, motorhomes and any other vehicle that pulls up to a gas pump life would be easier for me and bimbo.
So if all the gas tanks were on the same side of all cars, trucks, motorhomes and any other vehicle that pulls up to a gas pump life would be easier for me and bimbo.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Daily Gripe 2008
Hello, my name is Stu. This is my first gripe for the year 2008. Happy New Year and happy griping. My gripe once again concerns our roadways. I have just returned from a 10 hour road trip from Key West. The roads in Key West are a major gripe but I will address that situation at another time. Right now - I am tired, cold and hungry. One can eat only so much from the $1.00 menus at fast food establishments. It's usually to go because i'm in a hurry and the dog is in the car. Can't leave the little beast in the car or PETA will be after me. And then yell at me for eating meat!!!
So off the exit I go toward fast food heaven/hell (you choose). I am thinking ? it's easy off easy on. No. No way, no such luck. So I head on down looking for that girlie fast food burger, you know the one. I'm in the right hand land of a four lane highway. There's the red haired girl herself smiling at me from the left side of the four lane highway. Did I mention bumper to bumper traffic. Can I get over? No!!
So I turn in a shopping plaza and spend 20 minutes trying to get back out to the road. Whew. I get in the right hand lane because I need to go straight across where the little red head is smiling at me. It's a turn only lane. So I turn and go for what seems miles before I can make an illegal u-turn. If only I had one of those 4x4 off road vehicles. Fast track back to the pigtailed girl.
I make my usual choice from the $1.00 menu and off I go. Trying to drive, eat, spoon out my frosty and toss pieces of burger to the pooch in the back. I need to get back on the interstate. Big orange sign - DETOUR - on ramp closed. I have all the good luck. I'm in a strange place wanting to go home and crash but I can't find the correct on - ramp. I realize i'm heading south - I need to be heading north. Here I am wishing for that 4x4 off road mega truck again. So another illegal u-turn on the interstate. Look both ways for YOU KNOW WHO.
The mustard drips down my chin and lands on my shirt. The dog is howling for beef and in my haste I knock over my frosty. I see another exit and more fast food emporiums. I go for it.
Truly yours,
Mr. Pid
So off the exit I go toward fast food heaven/hell (you choose). I am thinking ? it's easy off easy on. No. No way, no such luck. So I head on down looking for that girlie fast food burger, you know the one. I'm in the right hand land of a four lane highway. There's the red haired girl herself smiling at me from the left side of the four lane highway. Did I mention bumper to bumper traffic. Can I get over? No!!
So I turn in a shopping plaza and spend 20 minutes trying to get back out to the road. Whew. I get in the right hand lane because I need to go straight across where the little red head is smiling at me. It's a turn only lane. So I turn and go for what seems miles before I can make an illegal u-turn. If only I had one of those 4x4 off road vehicles. Fast track back to the pigtailed girl.
I make my usual choice from the $1.00 menu and off I go. Trying to drive, eat, spoon out my frosty and toss pieces of burger to the pooch in the back. I need to get back on the interstate. Big orange sign - DETOUR - on ramp closed. I have all the good luck. I'm in a strange place wanting to go home and crash but I can't find the correct on - ramp. I realize i'm heading south - I need to be heading north. Here I am wishing for that 4x4 off road mega truck again. So another illegal u-turn on the interstate. Look both ways for YOU KNOW WHO.
The mustard drips down my chin and lands on my shirt. The dog is howling for beef and in my haste I knock over my frosty. I see another exit and more fast food emporiums. I go for it.
Truly yours,
Mr. Pid
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