Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with people who go out in public and use sidewalks, walkways, and other surface forms to move from one location to another. The key word here is - move. This does not mean stopping like a load of bricks directly in front of me or any other person traveling a walkway, sidewalk or boardwalk.
Some fools stop to chat on the cell phone, talk to their companion, consult a map or just stop dead in their tracks like a deer caught in a headlight at night. There are people behind you - people that need and want to get by. But can we? No. We are waiting for you to MOVE.
I would like to tape that song - 'move it, move it, move it' and hit the start button every time I get stuck behind one of you people. What is wrong with you? Does the world revolve around your every breathe? I think not. Get out of the way!!!!!
Then, you go to the next extreme and stop dead like a doornail (?) right in the entrance to a building or store. Get out of the way!!!!!
This life is not all about you. There are millions of other people trying to get somewhere and we can't with you stopped right there for no good reason. Get out of the way - let us get by. If you want to stop and smell the roses do it in a rose garden on the other side of the world - away from me. Better yet - stay home and give us all a break.

Respectfully,

Mr. Pid

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with those that flaunt - mutant eyebrow hair, nose hair, ear hair and that dreaded ear wax. I know we all have it but please let's keep that private part of our life hidden from view.

I do not care to look at you and my entire attention goes to those 8 inch long eyebrow hairs that curl up toward your shiny bald head. And speaking of shiny bald head - tone it down a bit or put a hat on.

And then the nose hair, hopefully without mucous membranes attached, that sprout out the holes at the end of your nose. Pluck them suckers out. I know it hurts and is painful but the pain you are causing me is damaging. I don't want to look at green slime right after breakfast or any time of the day.

Let's move on to ear hair. Okay I accept the fact that both of your ears are pierced but the forest inside is frightening. Wear earmuffs or pull up that hoodie. Once again plucking out those suckers will do wonders for my viewing pleasure. After you remove said offensive curly locks wash the inside of those gigantic satellites. If I need to see a color chart I will go to a paint store. I know mom said never stick anything except your elbow inside your ears. Mom was wrong when it comes to removing earwax. Get it out!

The back hair will be another gripe at another time.

Sniferely yours,

Mr. Pid

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with neighbors who do not possess common sense. Yeah - they're out there - and one of them is mine. Seems like a nice gentleman during the day when you pass him by. He does not speak first but that's okay. I always make a comment forcing him to have a mini conversation which is usually just one or two words. I try to be friendly.
It's 11 pm where are your tired weary bodies? In bed fast asleep - I would hope. Not so in my neighborhood. Mr. Not Talkalot is out in his backyard that borders my back yard with the stadium lighting on. And that's okay because I can get out out of my soft comfortable bed and draw the drapes. But on an almost breezy night like last night I have my sliders open hoping for that breeze to pay me a visit.
First I see the flash of stadium lights and then instantly this pounding noise. Sounds something like crews on a construction road team with jackhammers attacking the cement sidewalks. What the fluff? It's 11 pm in the middle of the night.
Why does he feel the need to go in his backyard that borders my back yard and create a construction zone? Does this person ever sleep. Perhaps he sleeps during the day? And what is he dismantling? The cement patio?
Then, my sleep deprived insane mind goes into overload about what is really going on over there. I watch too much T.V..
The wife? Maybe he has disposed of her and is burying her in his backyard? Could be she told him to go to bed and let the neighbors have a peaceful sleep and he did not like that comment.
I decided the breeze was just not worth all that noise. I got out of bed glared at the bright stadium lights and slammed the door, trying to make a statement of my own.

Sleepily,

Mr. Pid

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with politicians who lie with a straight face and a handy dandy $400.00 haircut. You stood smiling like a used car salesperson and denied you have done anything wrong - again and again you professed your innocence. A sheep in wolves clothing on the prowl.
How can you strut around dishing out your god fearing policies and morals and then walk away and commit adultery: when your wife struggled with cancer and the fear of death. I am so glad your campaign caused you to fall off your glass pedestal and fall face first into pig mud.
I am so totally disgusted with your arrogance and inappropriate behavior. And then let us not forget your $400.00 haircut. Why don't you go back from whence you came and chase ambulances once again. That career seems to suit you quite well.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080808/ap_on_el_pr/edwards_affair

Sincerly disgusted,

Mr. Pid

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with fools that drive motorcycles. Not everyone that drives a motorcycle is a fool. I understand that Florida does not require you to wear a helmet and that's okay we need organ donors. If you ride a bicycle you have to wear a helmet - makes sense to me?
I watch you weaving in and out of traffic almost clipping that car that is 10 times the size of you and your vehicle. You run the red lights and take the corner on such an angle it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on edge. You do a wheelie when the light turns green. The weaving scares me the most. For some unknown reason the traffic rules do not apply to you.
I have seen the remains of motorcycle accidents and none of them look good. I'm sure the fatality rate is extremely high. This doesn't seem to bother you as you and your friend weave in and out of traffic with total disregard to double solid lines and traffic. Your little chickie perched behind you with her backside in my face.
There is nothing wrong with motorcycles just the fools who are not responsible and I have a feeling that they don't last long in this world. Living on the edge must be exhilarating for you. For me, every time I see a fool like you - I cringe - and hope we don't meet down the road with you splattered across the intersection.
There are so may alcohol commercials today that say - 'please drink responsible.' A public service message that most likely goes unnoticed - but maybe not. We should have commercials that say, "drive your motorcycle like your life depends on it.' I'm sure not too many would listen.

Sincerely,

Mr. Pid

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with 'stupid people'. And there are so many of them taking up valuable space on the earth. Some are so stupid that they don't even know they're stupid. Forrest Gump - was not stupid. If he was real and not a character he would be smarter than many who walk clueless on this planet.
I try not to get involved with first impressions but some are just - out there! For instance - if one is going to attend a session in court in front of a judge why in the sam hill would you walk in bright as day with a t-shirt on that boldly states - "You Suck"? Your spiked mow hawk is hot pink and you have more metal attached to your facial parts than 'carter has liver pills'. That leash that goes from your nose to your ear, what's that for?
If you are a momma trying to get custody of your child back - once again - put on decent clothes. That almost topless, tight, clingy, short (belly button fashion ) shirt that exposes more than we want to see just might not help your case along with your new man. Those skin tight jeans that show the black lace thong - that would be a big NO. The new man is dressed in a tie dyed t-shirt with sleeves haphazardly removed with a green plant plastered in the middle (we all know that plant) and ripped jeans hanging low on the backside - but those plaid boxers sure look nice. Did I mention that the new man was barefoot? Not that tattoos are a bad thing but daggers with blood dripping off the edge, skull and crossbones, gang logos covering the arms and neck should be covered.
Then we have the Carter family reunion - all dressed in black chomping at the bit all with a big wad of gum chewing in harmony. If you have no teeth or if most of them are black - FYI - don't chew gum like a cow in pain with your lips wide spread. It just makes me want to toss my cow cookies. Right at ya baby.
Turn off the dam cell phone, shut up sit down and stop snorting like a pig. We know you are annoyed that you have to be in this place, I'm annoyed I have to look at you, so stop bitchin at your Ex or whatever. Another FYI - don't smart mouth the judge. He don't like that there attitude of yours.
So stay stupid if that is what rocks your boat. But for the love of the rest of us. Stay home with your stupidness. Bare your soul and your bodies to the neighbors dog in heat, not the general public. Or - get a job - and be a productive citizen that wears shoes and proper clothes to work.

Sincerly,

Mr. Pid

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with air travel. I thought I would release my negativity before I even board the plane. My first complaint is the parking garage and the cost. Too much money for leaving a vehicle. Next in line is check - in. If I arrive two hours early there will inevitably be no lines. I will check in and wait in the smelly boring lobby. If I am running behind schedule my wait time will be excessive. People will try to budge in front of me, hit me with their rolling weapons and be hanging on to whining crying kids. One will most likely reach out with his chocolate scrubby hands and touch my nice clean pressed shirt. One that needs to be dry cleaned.

I will fumble for my ticket, my license and have no name tags on my luggage. They will not have any extra one's so I will have to stand and wait till they retrieve more. Then, the carpet baggers will charge me for my luggage and measure my carry on. I'll watch as the clerk tosses my new suitcase on the escalator.

Security will infuriate me as usual. Off with the shoes and all the coins in my pockets. The pat down, the embarrassment. This time I will not try to smuggle in my own bottle of water. I will wait till I am past the security check point and pay triple for a bottle of water. No coffee or snacks for me. Money just slips right out of my wallet. I have heard there will be no free drinks or peanuts on the flight. Cheap, cheap, and more cheap.

Plane delays will inspire my wrath and then someone will try to board out of turn or want to change seats. People in a hurry, pushing, shoving being total ignorante's. My seat will be on the outside and some sorry soul will be in it - lost and confused. I will not argue with them just show them my seat assignment. Make no fuss or I will be thrown off the plane for causing a scene. I kept my t-shirt with the inappropriate saying tucked inside my suitcase. Since I've never won any beauty contest they cannot toss me out due to that.

The luggage bins will be filled and my carry on will not fit and it will be too large to cram under my seat. I will have to walk to the rear and find an empty bin to store my belongings. Then, try to return to my seat - another joke. That mother with the chocolate covered kid will be my seatmate. He will whine and bounce through the entire trip. Perhaps, they will toss him and the mother off. I heard they like to do that lately.

The plane will be delayed at take-off and then a runway delay. The seat belt sign will be on for most of the trip due to bad weather and turbulence. The restrooms will be overly used and stinky. I just can't wait till they lose my luggage. I love air travel.

Sincerely,

Mr. Pid