Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with those that flaunt - mutant eyebrow hair, nose hair, ear hair and that dreaded ear wax. I know we all have it but please let's keep that private part of our life hidden from view.
I do not care to look at you and my entire attention goes to those 8 inch long eyebrow hairs that curl up toward your shiny bald head. And speaking of shiny bald head - tone it down a bit or put a hat on.
And then the nose hair, hopefully without mucous membranes attached, that sprout out the holes at the end of your nose. Pluck them suckers out. I know it hurts and is painful but the pain you are causing me is damaging. I don't want to look at green slime right after breakfast or any time of the day.
Let's move on to ear hair. Okay I accept the fact that both of your ears are pierced but the forest inside is frightening. Wear earmuffs or pull up that hoodie. Once again plucking out those suckers will do wonders for my viewing pleasure. After you remove said offensive curly locks wash the inside of those gigantic satellites. If I need to see a color chart I will go to a paint store. I know mom said never stick anything except your elbow inside your ears. Mom was wrong when it comes to removing earwax. Get it out!
The back hair will be another gripe at another time.
Sniferely yours,
Mr. Pid
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