Monday, November 2, 2009

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with the drug companies that make containers. Nasal sprays come in a white bottle with that elongated squirt top that one places discreetly up the nose. I can not survive without my nasal spray.

Recently I had to purchase Scalpacin. This gets rid of the flaky dandruff that at times crops up on my top. It comes in a white plastic bottle with an elongated squirt top very much like my nasal spray.

In the heat of the moment I grabbed my Scalpacin and squirted it up my nose. The bottles are almost identical and when in severe desperation one can get confused. I no longer have flaky dandruff in my nose hairs which do seem to grow with age.

So my complaint to bottle makers is to make nasal spray and hair treatments in completely different shapes and colors. Stop making life so difficult for the consumers.

Sinuscerly,

Mr. Pid

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu and today my gripe is with 'those people' who do not maintain the speed limit. You know who you are - you drive 20 in a 45 mile an hour speed limit. You are someplace else - other than driving down the road. Most likely in your permanent state of 'la la land'.

Let's speed it up a notch. Step on that gas pedal just s little bit more. I'm behind you and I have places to go, people to see and things to do. Obviously you have nothing better to do than cause traffic congestion wherever you go and that would be in a slow motion.

If the speed limit says 45 - please - at least do 35. I'm not asking you to speed just go with the flow and STOP inhibiting traffic flow. Get out of the way, get off the road, stay home or park that car. Better yet - turn in your license and take a taxi. This is a fast moving mobile society and we do not have time for your star gazing - do that in your backyard and then you are off the streets causing havoc.

Give us all a break! Stay off the streets!

Slowly fuming,

Mr. Pid

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with people who install low rider mailboxes. This may seem trivial to some but to the postal carrier it may be an outrage. Not enough to go postal over but it sure is pushing those buttons.
Mailboxes have to be a certain height regulation and this is the law from our government. Rules are rules and they should not be broken. How does the postal worker reach these low slung mailboxes with ease? Most likely they must get out of their funny little white jeep and place the mail into the low rider boxes.
Every time I walk past one of these low slung mailboxes that are truly breaking the law I feel the urge to push it all the way over to the ground. That would most likely make the mail carriers job extremely difficult. I certainly do not want to cause added stress to any postal worker.
So get with the program and put your mailbox at the regulation height like the rest of us. If you are a troll then move to the woods.

Sincerely,

Mr. Pid

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with people who use their cell phone's in public for private conversations. First, turn down that ringer as I can hear it from four booths away from you. Put it on vibrate and then perhaps it will shake up a few of the brain cells that you have left. And take that stupid thing out of your ear - you look like an alien and perhaps you are.
If you want a personal conversation take it outside. I'm sitting down trying to relax over breakfast and I have to listen to YOU talking with your attorney about being sued. Can I sue you fro being ignorant and stupid? I don't really care that you are behind in your mortgage payments. I pay mine and don't tell the world.
Who cares if your wife is sleeping with your best friend. Now would be the time to dump the wife or get a new best friend. I have enough of my own issues to contend with and I don't care about yours at 8 AM over coffee. Shut up, sit down and eat your breakfast in quiet. That's what the rest of us are trying to do and ignore your chatter.
Do we really need all these gory details and trash talk? No, you are not in this cafe to entertain us. Shut up and turn that phone off or take it to the back alley. If I was a server I would spill coffee on your cell phone.

Silently,

Mr. Pid

Monday, April 6, 2009

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with old people in Florida that wear sweaters all year long. I know that Florida is the land of the living dead and you must be here to stay warm but do you really need that sweater on? It's 80 degrees with 100 % humidity and I cannot breathe. I see you out for a walk this morning (and that is a good thing you are still active) with long pants and a heavy sweater. Come on - you can't be cold!
I sit inside my house in my old raggedy recliner with the feet up watching the ballgame, sipping the brew and sweating like a hog. I'm not even dressed doing nothing but sitting and it's sweating to the oldies. You are outside in the intense morning sun with temperatures well into the 80's walking at a good pace dressed for a blizzard. Are you really that cold? Is this what I have to look forward to in my old age? I might just as well move back up north and enjoy the cold weather.

Sweatingly,

Mr. Pid

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with 'those people' that do not edge their sidewalks. It states it right there in the deed restrictions paragraph 4 line 3A. All sidewalks and driveways must be edged and kept neat. So there are many of you and a few in particular that have never ever edged their sidewalks or driveways. Not only does this look tacky but in the morning this overgrown mass that flows across the sidewalk contains moisture.
When I walk the dog in the early hours of the day to avoid the intense heat of the Florida sun I must walk across your dewy grass covered sidewalk. I walk the dog wearing my Kino sandals the very best handmade Florida sandals. You can travel to the factory in Key West and watch the crafters make sandals right before your eyes. They are leather and when wet are not very comfortable to walk in our they try to slip off my feet. If your sidewalk was edged properly the way it should be I would not have this horrific morning issue. You are making my morning walks difficult and I resent that.
So get your act together and edge that sidewalk and abide by the rules set up by the community in which we both reside. If you cannot perform this task by yourself use your stimulus paycheck reward and hire someone to do your work.

Soggily,

Mr. Pid