Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is with myself. I'm eating crow. In the past I have complained about the neighbors parking in the road on the sidwalk and on the grass. It's a royal pain to navigate when walking or driving down the cul-de-sac. I despise them.

Well, lately our home has been invaded by teens - lots of them - and they all have cars. I'm embarrassed to show my face outside. Our house now looks like the parking lot at Walmart on Saturday afternoon. The young-uns hover around outside by the cars and the basketball hoop. And I have picked up several empty bottles right in front of my own home.

So I am displeased with myself for letting my space come to this and I am at a loss as 'what to do'? My only saving grace is that - 'I know where they are and they are safe.' Maybe no one in the cul-de-sac will walk their dog and leave me presents on the bumper of my truck.

Regretfully,

Mr. Pid

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe is once again before the event. I know it will happen so I will spout off now. Traffic construction - on roadways. This construction or lack there-of sometimes - always – always - takes place on the roads that I travel. Why is this?
I will see the sign, “Right lane closed 1,000 feet ahead." The flags, the orange cones line the shoulder. I budged over into the left lane. Cars and TRUCKS go barreling down the almost empty right lane. And here I am clogged in the slow moving responsible lane. Traffic in my lane moving slower than a snails pace: speeding vehicles in the right lane making tracks leaving me in the wake of their dust. I love those signs in the water –No Wake Zone. People always obey that sign. Minutes turn into frustrating eons as cars on the right still speed by. Why am I still in the left lane?
So, I go for broke and ease over into the right lane. I have broken free, spit at the rules and followed my own destiny. INSTANTLY. The right lane is blocked by orange cones and signs. What happened to all those speeders? It’s almost as if it was a mirage. Perhaps I was hallucinating. Did I really see all those cars rolling past me? Now here I am STUCK in the black hole of travel construction. No one absolutely no one will let me budge back in. Time is like watching water boil on a turned off stove. A lesson learned well.
A few miles down the road in another state the signs appear again. The orange cones are striking against the bleak roadside scenery. This time I will stay in the proper lane: for miles upon miles if necessary. The sun begins to dip behind the horizon of stopped traffic. Cars fly by in the right hand lane like demons from the deathly hallows. Did I tell the hotel I may be a late arrival? Will they give my room away to one of the demon drivers in the right hand lane? I would call to verify but my cell phone is dead and the car charger has been missing for weeks.
Darkness floats across the quiet highway. I hate driving at night. My contacts turn the night lights into a festival New Year’s celebration. I can’t take them out as I left my contact case packed in my luggage. I can’t toss them out the window as I only brought one pair. I am always so prepared for life.
My stomach growls in protest. I see the exit sign and feel some relief. I ease over into the right hand lane to make my turn. And where oh where is – was that construction? I sat patiently in that lane with gazillions of other responsible road warriors - for WHAT? You stopped construction at noon and never took down those &*@#%^& signs. There should be a law against such abuse.

Forever in my pure thoughts,

Mr. Pid

Daily Gripe

Hello, my name is Stu. Today my gripe begins before the infraction. I am preparing for my road trip down the interstate. I know road rules will be broken so my gripe is proactive. This can apply to any interstate – anywhere, anytime. It involves – trucks. I choose my words with care as I do not want to become Jimmy Hoffa’s roommate. I do believe that trucks and truckers are outlaws of the modern highway. John Wayne would never have ridden his horse with such unsavory tactics.
I have made a list of rules for these road warriors. I will discreetly post them at all rest areas and truck stops.

1. obey the speed limit
2. stay in the slow lane
3. when the sign says - no trucks left lane – it means trucks
4. use your turn signal when you decide to cut me off
5. no side by side driving
6. stay in the slow lane
7. take an alternate route
8. take an extended holiday
9. when traveling uphill – stay in the slow lane
10. get off my bumper
11. intimidation is an act of ornithine (look it up)
12. do not travel in packs
13. rad racer is a video game – not real life
14. pick up your tire refuse
15. adopt a highway – in another state
16. stay in the slow lane
17. 95 is not the speed limit it means I-95 the interstate
18. merge means merge
19. the sign with a picture of a truck in a circle with a line through it means – no trucks
20. travel the roads between 10 pm and 6 am, do not work weekends, holidays or any day of the week that ends in Y and stay in the slow lane

10-4 good buddy,

Mr. Pid